EXT: ARTIC OUTPOST, DAY

An ESTABLISHING SHOT of the lonely weather station from The Day After
Tomorrow.  

INT: ARCTIC OUTPOST

Professor TERRY RAPSON (played by IAN HOLM) monitors a screen full of numbers.
Suddenly, one of the series of numbers starts blinking.

		RAPSON
	Oh, shit.
		(picks up phone)
	Get me the President.

INT: SENATE, DAY

We see the United States Senate, regally dressed in Roman senatorial robes trimmed with red.
KARL ROVE (played by JOHN MYHERS from History of the World: Part One) walks to the podium
and hushes the Senators.

		ROVE
	Senators, we have been given word that the
	likeliness of a category 5 hurricane hitting
	New Orleans could be one of the most
	devastating disasters in American Histoy.  The
	Clinton Administration initiated a huge program
	of public works designed to shore up the levees
	and other protective measures around New Orleans.
	Now, my question to you is this: do we pass huge
	tax cuts for the rich, or do we continue these
	protective measures for the poor?

As one, the entire SENATE makes a rude gesture.

		SENATORS
	Fuck the poor!

EXT.: SUPERDOME, DAY

We see a huge crowd of people outside the sports arena, very restless.  CNN reporter AARON
BROWN (played by ROBBIE KNIEVEL, complete with crash helmet) is assessing the situation.

		AARON BROWN
	Wolf, I'm here outside the Superdome, one of many
	locations where thousands of people too sick or too
	poor to be able to evacuate New Orleans in the face
	of Hurricane Katrina, have been told by the government
	to gather.  Oh, and I've just been told that Louisiana
	Governor Kathleen Kennedy Blanco has arrived to address
	the crowd.

ZOOM IN on GOVERNOR, played by TINA TURNER, as she climbs a podium.

		GOVERNOR
	WELCOME...TO SUPERDOME!

		CROWD
	Thirty thousand enter!  Ten thousand leave!
	Thirty thousand enter!  Ten thousand leave!

ZOOM OUT to show Aaron Brown again.

		AARON BROWN
	We'll keep you posted on developments as the
	storm approaches.

EXT.: NEW ORLEANS, DAY

The full force of Hurricane Katrina blows through.  High winds knock down buildings and
telephone poles, cars are blown to and fro, etc.  The roof of the Superdome is damaged.
Finally, the winds subside, and all seems well.

We see people leaving their homes, beginning to assess the situation, when....

EXT.: LEVEE, DAY

MUX: ALSO SPRACHT ZARATHUSTRA (”THEME FROM 2001”)

As the giant crescendo in the theme is reached, the levee cracks open and starts to crumble.
Water pours through, flooding the streets, washing people away.

INT.: NIGHTLINE SET, NIGHT

TED KOPPEL (played by TED KOPPEL) is reporting.

		KOPPEL
	The damage done by Hurricane Katrina has
	been compounded by the huge floods created
	by major levees giving way.  With me is Michael
	Brown, a major Bush Contibutor and head of
	the Federal Emergency Management Agency.
	Mr. Brown, thank you for speaking to us
	tonight.

INTERCUT with FEMA director MIKE BROWN (played by JON LOVITZ).

		MIKE BROWN
	Good evening, Ted.

		KOPPEL
	Mr. Brown, what is the situation in New
	Orleans right now?

		MIKE BROWN
	Couldn't be better, Ted!

		KOPPEL
	Are you serious?	

		MIKE BROWN
	Of course I am.  You think I'm LYING?

		KOPPEL
	Well, haven't you been watching television?

		MIKE BROWN
	Uh...of COURSE I've been watching television.
	I...INVENTED television!  Yeah, that's the
	ticket!

		KOPPEL
	Then what do you have to say about the people
	trapped at the Convention Center and in the
	Superdome?

		MIKE BROWN
	They couldn't be better!  They have lots of food,
	water, and medical care.

		KOPPEL
	No, they DON'T!

		MIKE BROWN
	Of course they don't!  And you know whose fault
	that is?  Osama Bin Laden!  Yeah!  That's the
	ticket!

		KOPPEL
	What do you say to critics who blame the
	failure of the levee, and the lack of preparation
	for the ensuing disaster, on the dismantling of
	the Clinton Administration's Project Impact,
	which the President dismantled in March of
	2001?

		MIKE BROWN
	Nothing to do with it.  In fact, it was CLINTON
	who created the hurricane!  Yeah, that's the
	ticket!  Bill Clinton and his wife Hillary...whom
	I've slept with!...caused this hurricane because
	they wouldn't allow drilling in the Arctic National
	Wildlife Refuge.  Yeah, that's it!

		KOPPEL
	And what are you doing about conditions right now?

		MIKE BROWN
	I've got my best men working on it.

EXT.: NEW ORLEANS, DAY

Two FEMA agents (played by ABBOTT AND COSTELLO) are waist deep in water.

		ABBOTT
	Okay, let's see.  Agent Hu is at the Superdome.
	Watt's at the Convention Center.  Idano is in charge
	of plugging the levee.

		COSTELLO
	Well, we'd better figure that out then.

		ABBOTT
	Figure what out.

		COSTELLO
	Who's in charge of plugging the levees.

		ABBOTT
	No, Hu is at the Superdome.

		COSTELLO
	What?

		ABBOTT
	No, Watt's at the Convention Center.

		COSTELLO
	I'm not asking you who's at the Convention Center!

		ABBOTT
	Hu's at the Superdome!

		COSTELLO
	I don't know.

		ABBOT AND COSTELLO
		     (in unison)
	Third base!

		ABBOTT
	It's okay.  We've got a couple of C-130's ready to
	fly in with some supplies.

INT.: COCKPIT, DAY

We see our intrepid flight crew: Captain PETER GRAVES and co-pilot KAREEM ABDUL
JABBAR.  Air hostess JULIE HAGGERTY is behind them.

		GRAVES
	Tower, this is relief flight one, on approach for
	supply drop site one.

EXT.: NEW ORLEANS, DAY

ABBOTT and COSTELLO have somehow found a magnum of champagne.

		COSTELLO
	This calls for a celebration!

THEY pop the cork on the champagne.  We watch the cork fly through the air, until it strikes
the fuselage of the airplane.

		JABBAR
	They're shooting at us!

		GRAVES
	Tower, this is relief flight one, we're coming home.

LESLIE NIELSEN sticks his head through the cockpit door

		NIELSEN
	I just wanted to tell you...good luck.  They're
	all counting on you.

EXT.: NEW ORLEANS, DAY

ABBOTT and COSTELLO watch the relief plane's departure grimly.

		ABBOTT
	Now look what you've done!

		COSTELLO
	I'm sorry, Abbott!

		ABBOTT
	Now who's going to save this city?

		COSTELLO
		     (pointing to the skies)
	Look!

MUX: “HAIL TO THE CHIEF”

EXT.: SKIES, DAY

Suddenly, a STEALTH FIGHTER swoops out of the skies.  We zoom in on the cockpit, to
reveal that it's flown by CAPTAIN BUNNYPANTS himself (played by MEL GIBSON)!  He surveys
the situation from high above, and finding no place to land, radios to the ground.

EXT.: NEW ORLEANS, DAY

Suddenly, from high on a hill, we see MOSES (played by CHARLTON HESTON) walk out,
raise his hands, and part the flood waters!  There are cheers from the crowds as the waters
return to their pre-storm levels.

CAPTAIN BUNNYPANTS brings his plane in for a landing on the now-dry streets of New
Orleans.  He steps out, and we see that he's wearing a flight suit with an enormous roll
of socks stuffed into the crotch.  He waves to the welcoming crowd as an AIR FORCE CAPTAIN
walks behind him, unfurling a banner saying “MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!”  He goes up to a hastily
constructed podium.

		CAPTAIN BUNNYPANTS
	The good news is --  and it's hard for some to see it now
	-- that out of this chaos  is going to come a fantastic Gulf
	Coast, like it was before. Out  of the rubbles of Trent Lott's
	house -- he's lost his entire house  -- there's going to be a
	fantastic house. And I'm looking forward  to sitting on the
	porch.

HE then leaves the podium as the poor of New Orleans stare at him dumbfounded.
As he climbs back into the plane and takes off, MOSES lowers his arms, and the flood
waters return, drowning the entire city.

INT.: FIGHTER COCKPIT

		CAPTAIN BUNNYPANTS
	Who cares?  New Orleans votes -- or should I say
	voted -- Democratic.  Now, what are we doing about
	gas prices?

		AIR FORCE CAPTAIN
	Nothing, sir.  They're skyrocketing.

		CAPTAIN BUNNYPANTS
	Good.  And who's been hired to rebuild the Gulf
	Coast?

		AIR FORCE CAPTAIN
	Halliburton, sir!

		CAPTAIN BUNNYPANTS
	Good, that will make Dick happy.  Now....

ZOOM OUT to watch the Stealth Fighter fly into the sunset.

		THE END

Text copyright 2005 Paul L. Sungenis and Kristopher L. Leeds. Permission to redistribute granted provided this copyright notice remains intact.