Monthly Archive for January, 2006

Stop Sinclair Broadcasting!

On January 24, 2006, CBS corporation and Time Warner announced they were merging UPN and the WB networks to create a new, larger TV network, “The CW.” This merger means that the media companies that control local broadcast stations will have a larger audience if they are selected to be affiliates for the new CW network.

The company we are concerned about is Sinclair Broadcast Group. Sinclair is the company that pre-empted Nightline’s episode that read the names of those killed in Iraq, that planned an hour-long propaganda attack on John Kerry two weeks before the 2004 election, and that continues to air right-wing commentary with no ideological balance.

The CW could mean two things for Sinclair: (1) its UPN and WB affiliates could be picked up by the new network, giving Sinclair even more power to distort the news; or (2) the new CW network could realize that doing business with Sinclair is bad for business.

Help us convince The CW network to not sign affliliate agreements with Sinclair. Take action now by sending a message to the CW network management

Brace yourself, friends and neighbors. Here comes my semi-regular rant about Megan’s Law.

I have at least three friends (that I’m aware of) in different parts of the country who are unfairly subject to the legal frankenstein which is Megan’s Law. One of them was a clerk in a camera store who developed some “baby in the bathtub” photos. One of them was accused by a bitter wife of molesting their son during an ugly divorce, and even though he was exonerated he is still under the yoke of his state’s “sex offender” registry. And one of them was busted because his computer had some text that a prosecutor considered to be child porn. Not actual child porn, mind you, like photgraphs or videos, but mere words on an electronic page. By those standards, anyone who has a copy of Lolita in their library is an instant sex offender.

Now, here in New Jersey, we have a brand new Assemblyman (and I’m ashamed to admit that my own local party organization helped put him there) whose sole claim to fame is that he pushed through “Michael’s Law.” Don’t know what Michael’s Law is? Most people don’t, even though they all rallied to pass it. Michael’s Law stiffened the penalties for drunk drivers. Not, in and of itself, a bad thing, but I hate that the proponents of it didn’t trust the voters to support the “Dunken Driving Penalty Enhancement Act,” so they resorted to cheap sentimentality and theatricals by pushing it as “Michael’s Law.”

I will grant one thing to this newly-minted legislator; he has more of a right to call his bill “Michael’s Law” than the proponents of that evil piece of dreck called “Megan’s Law” did. Michael, the son of the Assemblyman, might have been saved (emphasis on “might have been”) if “his” law had been on the books. Megan Kanka would not have been saved by Megan’s Law, because her parents already knew that the man who eventually killed Megan was a sex offender. Megan Kanka was killed not by the lack of a sex offender registry, but by the sheer blindness and stupidity of her parents!

This sudden proliferation of “Fill In The Blank’s Laws” across the country is a horrifying trend. The one point all these do-gooders and busybodies (not to mention legitimately well-intentioned people) are making with these laws is that they think that people are stupid, and can’t be trusted to do what’s right. Either that, or they know their arguments will never stand up to the scruitiny of sheer logic, so they need to pluck at artificial heart strings to get their way.

However, at heart I am nothing but a bandwagoneer. With that in mind, I propose the following legislation. Write your local state legislators, Congresscritters, and Senator-like beings right now! Demand their passage! Print signs saying “VOTE YES ON PAB’S LAW” and put them on streetcorners. If they can do it, then by God so can we.

SCARLETT’S LAW: This law would create a registry, identical in structure and function to the Megan’s Law registries, for drunk drivers. If you are convicted of a DUI, you will be required to register with local authorities and your neighbors will be informed of your status. This will follow you throughout your life. However, unlike Megan’s Law, if your conviction is overturned or you can convince a judge that you were unfairly put on the list, your name can be expunged. This law is named after Scarlett Johansson, who has no connection with drunk driving I’m aware of, but is an extremely attractive and talented actress who deserves her own law.

BRITNEY’S LAW: We already require a waiting period before purchasing a handgun. Why not require a waiting period before doing something infinitely more dangerous? This law will require a 90-day waiting period before the issuance of a marriage license. It will also require a seven day waiting period before you can apply for a divorce. The name of this law comes from one of my earlier proposals, which used to be known as “The Defense Of Marriage Against Britney Spears Amendment.”

NEBUCHADNEZZAR’S LAW: This law will require parental consent before the introduction of any piece of legislation requiring parental notification for anything. If the lawmaker’s parents are no longer living, he or she must get the consent of his or her nearest-related male blood relative. Either that, or convince a panel of three judges in open court that his parents knowing he was going to introduce this bill would cause his family irreparable harm. It’s named after the late great King of Babylon because his name sounds funny, and will be fun to use in debates.

PAB’S LAW: This law is named after one of its greatest victims, on behalf of long suffering victims everywhere. It will prevent the use in campaigning for any piece of legislation, at any level, the use of a person’s name to describe a bill. If you cannot justify your law in plain and simple terms that a majority of the populace can agree upon, then you don’t get your law. Plain and simple.

Call your lawmakers now! Join the crusade! Pab’s Law must go forward, or the entire fabric of the space-time continuum will collapse upon us!

Just some random thoughts as we lead up to our new governor here in New Jersey:

(1) Acting Governor Richard Codey signed a bill making him full Governor, and removing the word “acting” from his name. Gee. Wouldn’t it be nice if WE could sign a piece of paper and give ourselves promotions?

(2) Only in America could a President get to keep his job after getting a blowjob, and a Governor have to lose his job after GIVING a blowjob. Isn’t it better to give than to receive?

(3) Say what you will about Jim McGreevey, he did one thing that should earn him a place in history: he cleaned up the DMV. It only took me five minutes to renew my registration today.

(4) Wouldn’t it have been cheaper for Jon Corzine and Doug Forrester to just BUY the state and split it between them?

(5) Why aren’t the southern counties their own state yet?

In an effort to increase revenue to make needed repairs at the movie theater, we had gone back to the practice of renting out one of our auditoria for live music shows, I always hated this because it disrupted our movie schedule, brought in less per-capita in concession sales than the average movie audience would (75 cents versus $2.25, usually), and did nothing to entice people to come to the theater to see movies. (In fact, the nights of rock shows our movie attendance is always down sharply; perhaps people see all the cars in the lot and decide to avoid the crowd).

However, between the rental and concession sales, we have made more out of nights with these events than we usually would without.

Last night, however, was the last straw.

We had problems in the past with one promoter; I won’t give his name here. His crowds were always disruptive, and we had problems with his audience stealing and breaking things. I avoided booking shows with him for the longest time. I also made a deal with him to let him remove a number of rows of seats at the front of one side of our auditorium (leveling out the two columns) IF he would salvage the parts from those rows and use them to repair several broken seats elsewhere in the auditorium; he just ripped out the seats and dumped them in the back to rust, not doing any repairs like we had agreed.

I promised myself then I would never deal with him again. However, since we desperately need money to replace two heaters at the theater, I caved in.

Boy, am I stupid.

Last night, I had to use the bathroom. Not only had his hooligan audience broken into the stall that was specifically labelled “OUT OF ORDER,” they used it, flooding the floor. As I was about to try and fix the situation, some kid came into the bathroom and, for no reason, punched a hole in the wall. I escorted him out of the building, which a passing cop had the pleasure of seeing, and told the kid I wouldn’t press charges as long as he left. The stupid kid tried to sneak back in right in front of me.

But that’s just the start.

We have two couches in our lobby, for people to sit on. This guy’s audience shredded one of them, pulling all the stuffing out of the cushions. Completely ruined.

But that’s not the best part.

Somewhere along the lines, the audience members, right in front of the security hired by this promoter, literally ripped the central pillar out of our fire doors down at the front of the theater. We’re going to try and paste it back together until I can get South Jersey Glass or someone down there to repair it, but because those doors are custom cut, we’re probably going to end up having to replace them completely at considerable expense.

Oh, one of the band members got robbed, too, but that’s a story for another time.

So, to make a long story short, between plumbing repairs, patching a wall, and replacing those doors, we’re going to spend TWICE what we took in for one night’s entertainment.

Most venues in my area have stopped hosting concerts, which has put our theater in high demand. This morning I can definitively tell you WHY they have stopped hosting these concerts, and so are we. We are contractually obligated to two more shows this month (which I am going to try and negotiate my way out of), but after that there will be no more live music at DeMarco Cinemas. I learned my lesson. I only wish I had learned it before I let some jackass promoter cost us thousands of dollars in repairs.

To the bands that played last night (especially the guys from Days Like These and Liam and Me): I love you guys; you’re great. But I can’t afford more situations like last night. We’re enough in the hole as it is, and instead of helping lift us out of our financial scrape, last night’s show put us all the much closer to closing down permanently. I can’t risk that. I don’t blame you guys; this wasn’t your fault, and I hate that you are the ones who are going to suffer because of this.