Note: I started writing this piece almost four years ago, in March of 2008. I had thought it lost when my machine crashed in the middle of writing it. I rediscovered most of it in my auto-save folder a few weeks later, but decided to take the crash as a sign and let it rest.
But no longer. Recent events have convinced me the time had come to dust it off and finish it. I have chosen to retitle it from the original Breast Cancer Awareness: Why It Sucks to more encompass the entire Greedbitch Foundation (Susan G. Komen had nothing to do with the organization, its founding, and certainly not its current actions, so I refuse to see her name attached to it more than is necessary.)
Also remember that this piece was originally intended for the late lamented WhyTheySuck.com, and is a lot more obscene and combative than my usual posts. But these people deserve it.
- Pab, February 2012
Look at this shit:
This is an example of something that somehow found its way home in this household’s grocery bags. It’s a bag of pink M&M’s “for the cure” of breast cancer.
Yes, once again my life has been needlessly barraged by one of the greatest guilt scams ever foisted off on people: the Susan G. Komen Foundation and “breast cancer awareness.”
I have now officially had enough. Anyone who looks at me with a straight face and says the words “awareness,” “…for the cure,” or wears anything even remotely resembling a pink ribbon risks getting surgery, needed or not, delivered by me using only my car keys as a tool and a can of Red Bull as anaesthetic.
Why do I hate these pricks? Shouldn’t I applaud cancer awareness? Don’t I want to fight cancer? Yes on both counts. But you know what?
The people behind this “breast cancer awareness” shit DON’T GIVE A FUCKING RAT’S PUSTULENT BUBOE ABOUT CANCER!
I’ve lost good friends and family members to cancer. I have other friends and family who count themselves as multiple-time survivors. Cancer has had a very deep and painful impact on my life and the lives of people I love. And these self-righteous hosebags who feel the need to paint the entire world pink and martyr themselves on the altar of the mammary gland haven’t done shit to help them. This includes my friend Dawn who died from, and stepmother Jeannie, who survives, Breast Cancer. Susan G. Komen For The Fucking Cure did jack shit for these two women, yet because they suffered from a particular version of The Dreaded C Word they are deified. Fuck that noise.
First off, let’s get a few basic points straight:
First, “Awareness” is bullshit; being aware of breast cancer does not prevent you from getting it.
Being aware of smoking related illnesses can prevent you from getting them – by not smoking. Being aware of HIV and AIDS can prevent you from getting them – by avoiding high risk activities. Being aware of the hazards of shoving a spindle up your ass and lighting your clothes on fire while smacking people in the face with a hot waffle iron and singing “Kumbaya” in a falsetto voice… well, you get the idea. Prevention is the key reason for awareness.
But there is no way to prevent breast cancer. There’s no single cause, or list of contributing causes, for breast cancer. A woman can live a healthy lifestyle and still find herself a victim of breast cancer. All the “awareness” in the world won’t help you.
Of course, the secret to any cancer is quick diagnosis and treatment, but that’s not what the ribboneers are talking about. This brings me to my second point.
Second, this is not about cancer.
About 12% of women in any given year will develop breast cancer, if the Susan G. Komen people are to be believed. But you know what? In that same 12 month period, 18% of men will develop prostate cancer.
That’s right. More men are likely to develop prostate cancer than women are likely to develop breast cancer. They’re twice as likely to die from it, too, mainly because there’s shitloads of money being given to breast cancer treatment research and next to nothing being given to prostate cancer research. Of course Susan G. Komen, an anonymous woman who was unwittingly pushed into martyrdom by her self serving bitch of a sister (more on that later) makes a much more attractive trademark for research into a disease than, say, Frank Zappa, who died of prostate cancer.
But this isn’t about cancer. It’s about women. More specifically, it’s about radical feminists with a complete and total antipathy towards anything with a penis or any organ or gland obliquely connected to it (read: prostate). Breast Cancer Awareness martyrs push their agenda because it’s specifically a woman’s BREASTS. And people buy into it wholesale because it’s all about breasts.
When KFC starts selling chicken in blue buckets and donating percentages to The Prostate Cancer Foundation or red buckets and donating percentages to The American Lung Association then come talk to me. Until then shut up.
Third, Susan G. Komen had nothing to do with it.
Susan G. Komen was a nobody who died of breast cancer in 1980. She didn’t start the foundation or campaign for awareness of her disease. Two years later her sister, a Republican politician named Nancy Goodman Brinker, decided to start a charity dedicated to breast cancer. Knowing that people were less likely to give to a women’s charity run by a political operative for the most anti-woman organization since Our Gang’s He-Man Woman Haters Club, she deflected attention from herself by naming it after her dead sister, Susan Komen.
Since then, there is one thing that the foundation has proven good at: making Nancy Goodman Brinker rich. In its 2009-2010 fiscal year, nearly $41 million of the $365 million that people gave to the organization went into “administrative costs,” mainly salaries for people like Nancy Goodman Brinker. Brinker herself got half a million dollars of that $41 million. That same year, the foundation spent $731,303.00 on mammograms through the now-severed relationship with Planned Parenthood.
With what the Foundation spent on “administrative costs” alone, they could have paid for 140,000 more women to get screened for breast cancer. Brinker’s salary alone could have paid for 1,500 women to get screened. But she has more important things to do with that money. For example, in 2000 she spent nearly half of what gullible donors stuffed in her pocket that year to help elect George W. Bush as President.
That’s right. If you bought a cup of pink-topped Yoplait in 2000 thinking that it was going to fund mammograms, there’s a good chance that your money actually went to putting George W. Bush in the White House.
Fourth, they’re theives who are trying to use the law to stop other people from doing what they did.
In 1991, Visual AIDS created the red-ribbon design to help encourage AIDS awareness. When Jeremy Irons wore a red ribbon at the Tony Awards that year it became an immediate hit. Of course, Nancy Goodman Brinker and company saw a good thing and immediately decided to steal it. They started handing out pink ribbons to participants in their “race for the cure” and started using it everywhere to promote their fundraising efforts.
Sadly, this went against the intent of Visual AIDS, which specifically wanted to “keep the image copyright free, so that no individual or organization would profit from the use of the red ribbon” and that it “should be used as a consciousness raising symbol, not as a commercial or trademark tool.” Nancy Goodman Brinker and company has not only trademarked the ribbon design, they are now actively going after people who use pink ribbons or the words “for the cure” for efforts that don’t specifically line their pockets. Never mind that some of these organizations might be spending more money on actually fighting cancer than the Brinker Cabal, which in 2009 spent 20.9% of what they brought in on research and only 5.6% of what they raised on actual cancer treatments.
Fifth, it isn’t working.
In 1969, the death rate from cancer was 40%. Last year, it was 42%. A smaller percentage of women were getting mammograms in 2008 than were in 2000. They aren’t helping cure the disease and it looks like their “awareness” efforts aren’t helping either.
So what good does the Brinker Cabal do with the money you send them? Promote themselves (39.1%), line their own pockets (11.3%), and raise more money (10%). They used to spend 13% on screening services, but that stopped this week when they ended their partnership with Planned Parenthood. So out of every dollar you give them, a quarter and two pennies now actually goes to helping fight cancer.
No wonder they haven’t made any progress. Unless their goal was to make Nancy Brinker and the other “executives” rich. Oh, and help elect Republican politicians. If that was the case, it worked beyond anyone’s wildest dreams.
If you’re serious about fighting breast cancer, spend your money where it’s going to do the most good. Give to The Breast Cancer Research Foundation, who are actually trying to find a cure. Give to The National Breast Cancer Foundation, who are actually helping women get screened for the disease.
If, like me, you think that breast cancer is just one small piece of the bigger pie, then give to The American Cancer Society. I already provided links up above for the Prostate Cancer Foundation and American Lung Association, both of which deserve your money as well.
But the next time you see a food product colored pink with a ribbon and the name “Komen” anywhere near it, pass it on by.